


Everything is Okay...

by angelcastiel72



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Cas is just doing his job please chill my man, Homelessness, Human!Castiel - Freeform, Implied Destiel - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Poor Cas, Sad, Sad Ending, Season 9, Season/Series 09, Verbal Abuse, Yelling, s9e6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcastiel72/pseuds/angelcastiel72
Summary: A divergence from Supernatural season 9 episode 6 called "Heaven Can't Wait." Castiel is just working, having a particularly bad day when a man walks in.It all goes downhill from there.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Everything is Okay...

Castiel looked around the gas station, waiting and waiting to see another human. The sun was shining brightly through the windows, lighting up the magazines and snack foods that he had always seen *him* eat. But... nevermind those memories or his past life. His mission now was to stay alive.

He wandered over to the cigarettes and the mints and the… pie. He stared for a few moments, for whatever reason. He wasn’t sad… he was just numb. 

A clinging noise alerted him immediately. He turned, ashamed that he had left his post. A good employee should not do that. 

He couldn’t make out the details of the man’s face, but Castiel said, “hello. Welcome to the Gas n’ Sip.”

They ignored him and walked down the first aisle, and Castiel sighed. At least he was being a good employee. Cas turned and checked on the Icee machine, analyzing its parts and testing the mechanisms. He also cleaned it a bit for good measure. The handle for the blue one was jammed, however, and Castiel rolled his eyes. It’s always the blue one.

“Ahem,” someone from behind alerted the angel, and quickly Cas turned back. 

“I apologize, how may I help you?” Cas greeted.

“Can you just ring this up, I don’t have all day,” the man’s voice was harsh as he rolled his eyes.

“Yes, right away,” Castiel replied, guilt-stricken.

He tried to scan the chips and soda as fast as he could, but the shaking of his hands gave him trouble. He dropped one of the chip bags and the man groaned.

“Hurry the hell up, man,” Cas couldn’t see his face, but he could tell this man looked at him like he was absolute scum… 

Cas finished scanning and moved to work the buttons on the register. Not 30 seconds later, the man slammed his fist on the counter.

“Hey, moron! I have to go! HURRY!”

Cas fearfully looked up to the man and replied, “I only need to press this and then-”

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! Stop whining to me you little bitch.”

Cas nodded and pressed a final couple of buttons, “that will be $10.05.”

The man took cash out of his wallet and said, “keep the change. A loser like you would need it.”

Castiel carefully grabbed the money and nodded, saying, “thank you, have a wonderful day.”

“Shut the fuck up,” the man mumbled and left the store.

Castiel stood still for a few minutes. His heart bumping, bumping, bumping on his chest. He couldn’t focus on a single thought anymore… what was happening?

A moment later, Castiel looked down his hands, and thought, ‘if only they didn’t shake and drop the bag.’ He was never a good employee, after all. 

Never a good angel either. 

...Never a good friend. Good friends don’t betray or hurt the ones they care about most.

And now… he wasn’t good at his job. Was there nothing in this universe that Castiel could actually do right?

Well… maybe there’s no point anymore. 

Luckily his manager walked in at that moment, greeting him with, “Hey Steve! How’s the shop?”

Castiel slowly looked up at her and said, “I no longer wish to work here.”

She stopped dead in her tracks, and her face dropped.

“What?!”

“I have failed you. I quit.”

“Steve, you can’t quit! You’re my assistant manager and you’ve been the best employee I’ve had… well ever! Do you want a raise?” She asks with panic in her voice.

“No. I am going to leave, now. Goodbye, Nora.”

Castiel made sure he had his phone on him and his toothbrush and began to walk out.

“No! Steve! Please stay!”

She called out to him, but he was already out the door. The light blinded his eyes a bit, as he had been at the shop all day and night. This never used to happen when he was… 

He squinted and rubbed his eyes until he could mostly see again. He kept walking and walking and walking. This road was busy but no one seemed to notice or care that he was all alone. On top of everything, he’d left all of his money in the storage room, so he had nothing to get food or drink. Castiel accepted his fate.

He didn’t *want* to die but… he didn’t much care one way or the other. Never really had. He had just wanted to make the world better… For humanity… For…

Castiel stopped himself. It had been a month since he had seen or spoken to Dean… since he kicked him out. Sam comes first and Cas knows this… but… he couldn’t help but feel… 

Discarded. 

He kept walking. His stomach grew angrier and his throat grew drier, but he kept walking. Maybe he would find a homeless garrison again and make some new friends. Maybe he wouldn’t. 

A few hours later, the sun had set. He found an overpass where he could lie down and rest his sore legs. He massaged them a bit and tried to focus on the sensations instead of the thoughts whirling around in his mind. This was his life now and he would make the most of it. To his right, he noticed a small ladybug crawling near him.

“Awww,” he said aloud, “hello. My name is Castiel.”

The bug didn’t reply, but he didn’t need it to. He loved this ladybug already.

“I hope you have a loving family. Maybe friends. I hope you are not out here, alone, like me. You deserve better than that, my friend.” 

He spoke softly to the little red bug, admiring its black specks. This little creature was innocent, just looking for a place to belong. He needed and wanted love, and Castiel would offer this to him.

As the ladybug wandered off, Cas said, “goodbye, little friend.”

“Who are you talking to?” Cas paused. He knew that voice.

“Cas?”

“How did you find me?” Cas’s voice shook as he spoke.

“Wasn’t too hard. Now, come with me. You’re my family.”

Cas couldn’t face him.

“Please. I need you back, more than anything,” Dean’s voice was straining and broken.

He sounded desperate… like maybe…

… Cas deserved to live with Dean?

Finally, Cas looked up, with a smile on his face, ready to accept and see his best friend again.

...but…

Cas’s face fell immediately.

His body ran cold.

He started shaking.

Dean…

Dean was not…

No one was standing in front of him. Castiel just stared into the wall on the other side of the overpass. Dean wasn’t here at all. No one was around him. Castiel imagined it.

Castiel scooted himself back and leaned against the bumpy concrete wall. He sighed, his heart still pounding and his hands felt like a buzzing telephone but, he tried to remain calm. That wasn’t real. 

That wasn’t real.

That wasn’t real.

Dean wouldn’t come searching for him and he certainly didn’t need him right now. He could just call if he did, but he didn’t. Castiel was not needed. Castiel would never be needed. And that was okay. 

As long as he never hurt Dean Winchester again… that was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> For reference, ladybugs are also called ladybirds, lady beetles, lady clocks, lady cows, and lady flies, marihøne and פָּרַת מֹשֶׁה רַבֵּנוּ. 
> 
> Got that from google so if I translated wrong or missed one, sorry.


End file.
